Is a midlife crisis really a bad thing?
Breaking free of the life you never signed up to, but kind of just happened to you, is possible. Here I share practical insights based on the ancient wisdom, the wellbeing science, and my own experience of ‘breaking free’ from social expectations that didn’t serve me.
I have found it useful, to see what we call a ‘mid-life crisis’ not as a failure, but as potential awakening to a deeper part of us. It is a time where after doing what all that is expected of us, we still feel empty and unfulfilled, and start to ask, ‘what next’?
There is an idea that life is game of two halves.
The first half of our life is about becoming socialised and playing our set role in society survival. We try to do what is expected of us and build our sense of self around this.
The second half is realising that we were constrained and that we are living a life that others want for us. This involves letting go of that ‘idea’ of who we are, that we cling to so tightly, and finding our true Self – breaking free of the cage of our family and societal conditioning.
Carl Jung said “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego. The second half of life is going inward and letting go of it.”
So, what we call a ‘mid-life crisis’ could really be a healthy rebirth.
Many people around us will be against this rebirth, because they have an idea of who we are that fits into their story. Family, friends and society want us to stay the same, obedient to their rules, to keep them comfortable. This is why our growth gets dismissed a ‘mid-life crisis’. Something bad, a pathology, to be avoided if possible.
However, as we go into this rebirth, many other guides and wise people will come into our life to support us becoming deeper, wiser, less ego driven and much more content. This requires trust in truths that are much bigger than us.
The author Michael Singer says, “a midlife crisis is the most rational thing he ever heard of!"
A midlife crisis is not a break down, it’s a break-through
A midlife break-through prompts us to ask, “who am I?"
You might answer with, well, I’m 44 years old, I’m a teacher, a mother, I’m 5ft 10, and 80 kg.” But who are you really? When you retire what happens to you? So you thought you were a teacher, but now you are not? You thought you were a husband with a successful career. You thought you were a mother, but now the kids have left home and feel a little lost? What is beneath all of those words, those labels that seem to define your existence? Could you consider that all of those labels are simply labels, and even your body changes over time. None of it is consistent.
A midlife break through helps us see the real nature of our ‘self’
I’ve found it helpful to become less attached to those superficial identities. This doesn’t mean those things are bad, it just means they no longer define us. So we might begin to understand that the ‘real me’ is not the teacher, the executive, the parent or even a citizen of a country. These are all roles and identities we have taken on. We have gathered desires, beliefs, and labels that seek to describe who we are.
The feeling of disorientation and even despair we feel during the break-through is a sign we want to grow and evolve
Your struggles are not a bad thing. They are signs you want to grow and escape your confinement. Social norms encourage and even celebrate labelling our struggles simply as failings, deficiencies or mental illness, and finding someone else or something to blame. This, to me, seems like a great disservice to the strength, grit, and pure potential of our human spirit.
I believe the path to living a healthy and happy life mentally, physically and spiritually is not to label our struggles as failings or deficiencies but rather to see them as signs we want to grow and escape a cage that we have outgrown, or ideas about life that no longer serve us.
It’s the deepest part of us asking us to live more in alignment to our truth, and our own values.
Midlife isn't a crisis. It's a checkpoint
I think of it like half time. The scoreboard is set for the first half. But the second half is still up for grabs. This is your half time moment. Adjust the game plan and switch strategies if needed, because the second half can be the best half but only if we choose it to be.
I am now taking bookings for health coaching, yoga, personal training sessions at my Holmwood Road studio, Christchurch, New Zealand.
Jo Jarden is a personal trainer, yoga teacher, and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio 54 Holmwood Road, Merivale, Christchurch. She has 12 year's experience as personal trainer, yoga teacher, and workshop facilitator including working with:
Business executives
Gyms, group yoga & fitness classes
Farmers and rural settings
Workplace retreats, events, and conferences
Her approach combines both body and mind practices to help people boost their health and general feelings of positivity. She utilises the combination of ancient yoga wisdom and wellbeing science techniques to help people release tension and grow their inner strengths.
Qualifications include:
Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005