How to prioritise your own needs
5 ways to put yourself first, no matter what
It’s not selfish to prioritise yourself. In fact, it’s the most selfless thing you can do.
Everyone knows about the importance of self-care. Yet finding time for yourself never seems to happen. With all the demands of family life, work, finances, and tending to others needs, a quiet afternoon to yourself to unwind and relax, seems pretty much unreachable. Or at least, last on the list of priorities.
1. Go beyond self care – Know yourself
To truly prioritise yourself, you have to go beyond self-care. You have to uncover your belief patterns that are keeping you constantly tending to other people’s priorities, so you can do what truly matters to you, and live out your own dreams and ambitions.
The ancient yoga sutras also encourages us to start a self enquiry. The term Svadhyaya literally means ‘self study’. By studying ‘the Self’ and recognising our habits and thought processes we realise how much of what we do and think is far from who we really are. Instead of looking outwards, we look inwards. We become more aware of the stories we are telling ourselves – that we are not enough as we are. We ask the bigger questions – Why am I here? What are my unique gifts?
Through this self enquiry, you can find deep down inside of you a belief that you matter, so you don’t always come last. This is not only good for you, but its also good for others around you.
“Know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves.” Socrates
2. Shift your mindset
Prioritising your own needs, is not selfish. We have deeply embedded societal norms and narratives about what it means to be a good person (especially for women). Helping yourself first, by putting your own oxygen mask on before helping others is in fact healthy, not selfish. When you spend all your time caring for others you end up feeling stressed and tired. This can make you less able to connect with others so you don’t truly engage with our children and our partners. Also, you don’t achieve our own goals and aspirations.
When you consciously carve out time for yourself, you feel recharged and reenergised. You rediscover your passions, and your personal connections. You have more energy to help the people who matter most in your life.
Try this mantra: “My health and happiness is inherently valuable.”
3. Uncover limiting beliefs
The path to living a more fulfilling life, means identifying and re-writing the stories you tell you yourself that are holding you back from learning how to prioritize yourself.
Do you feel you need to fix, tend to, and sooth others emotions? Does it always have to be you that does it? Are you always seeking approval by perfecting, performing, achieving? Maybe you are a perfectionist? Or you feel like its someone else’s job to rescue you when things get hard?
These types of limiting beliefs stem from our childhood experiences of having to earn the love of our parents or caregivers. If you were made to feel you didn’t deserve love unless you put others first, these beliefs follow you into your adulthood, and limit your ability to prioritise yourself.
Re-write your story to reflect your true nature. Choose a story that is empowering, and that reflects your true nature. Connect to nature, and the abundance and joy and wonder of life.
Your life is lead by choice, not chance. You are creating every single minute of it, every single day.
“We are the storyteller of our own life, not just a character in the story” – Jaemin Frazer
4. Challenge social norms
We receive messages from our world around us that once we get a ‘suitable’ life partner, the ‘successful’ job, the ‘perfect’ house, the mortgage paid off, then we will be happy and successful. So we go to school, get a good job, eat, go to work, grow wealth, get jealous of others, then we die.
But perhaps this is not the only purpose of our life?
Sure, its good to have some security in our life. But at some point this way of living will not fulfil us, or it will break down.
Paul Dolan, Professor of Behavioural Science at the London School of Economics states that social norms are defined by others and taken on by us. They are not our own true core values. So we are all like sheep...copying each other, comparing, competing
Create your own blueprint for your life. Get clear on your own true core values. Discover your true self. Recommit to your passions, carve out quiet time in nature and get some perspective on your life. You might even consider yourself at the end of your life, and ask yourself, have I done what truly matters to me? (this is actually a very ancient traditional Buddhist meditation practice)
5. Commit to personal growth
Putting others first all the time, doesn’t mean you’re growing. Mental health research shows that a key aspect of a meaningful and fulfilling life is having a commitment to personal growth. Feed your mind with inspiring books. Commit to never ending improvement in every area of your life. Remember you are both a masterpiece and a work in progress.
“Do things every day that nourish and feed your soul in whatever way is meaningful for you. It’s not what you do, it’s what that activity does for you.” – Anita Moorjani
Learn more at the upcoming Beachside Yoga Retreat Saturday 1st October, Christchurch. No yoga experience required
Jo Jarden is a certified personal trainer and yoga teacher in Christchurch New Zealand and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio. She has 10 years experience in health promotion in New Zealand and Australia including management and promotion of national chronic disease prevention programs. She now helps people one on one with their wellbeing through health coaching, yoga teaching, personal training, workplace yoga and wellbeing workshops.
Qualifications include: Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005