8 Clues for Finding your Purpose
“If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favourable” - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
It’s becoming clear to me from our workshops and my conversations with people, that what many of us seem to be looking for is a sense of meaning and purpose in our life. If we don’t have this, its easy to get pulled into other people’s priorities. As a result, we get low in energy, health issues pop up, and we never seem to do what truly matters to us.
If we don’t have a ‘true north’ in our life our life can feel a bit glum. We operate in auto pilot, in a low energy kind of way. Just because you’re ‘kind of still happy’ in your job, in your relationship, but not miserable yet, is not a good reason to stay stuck there.
If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don’t want. You will end up serving someone else’s vision if you haven’t got clear one of your own.
But how do we find clarity of our life’s purpose?? Well, it doesn’t just drop on our doorstep one day. Here’s some insights for finding clarity of purpose including:
Why most people have not found clarity of purpose
8 clues to finding clarity of your purpose
The many benefits of living with purpose
Why most people have not found clarity of purpose
We haven’t asked (or answered) the question ‘what does life want from me?’
When we find our real purpose, provided it is built on the foundation of acceptance, compassion, kindness, lightness on the earth and not harming others (yoga values) then we find that it’s not so much about us, but what the world wants from us. Giving the unique gift of who we are becomes our greatest joy and we see our much greater potential and feel less separation from the world. When we focus too much on our anxieties and insecurities we lack the confidence to think how we could contribute much to the world.
A good starting point is to ask ourselves:
How can I contribute meaningfully to the world?
What are my unique gifts?
What does life want from me?
It’s scary leaving something you’ve done for so long
Having a compelling vision for life and actually living it out is risky, and therefore scary. That’s why most people don’t do it. Most people dabble in the idea of living out their dreams, but then crawl back to the comfort of the Monday- Friday job, or the relationship that’s not that fulfilling because it feels safe. Its part of being human, we lean toward that which is comfortable, we seek security over freedom. It’s very comfy, but is it fulfilling?
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears
When we operate from a place of fear we grasp and hold on to something we think will bring us happiness. Living out our dreams means operating from a place of love, instead of fear. When we operate from a place of love, it can feel terrifying because we free fall into life’s experience!
When I left my comfortable Monday-Friday job 6 years ago to explore living a more meaningful creative life (read more here) I had to let go of things like my steady income, my rental, all my belongings. I let go of needing know exactly how things would pan out – essentially, I let go of needing to be in control. I had a deep inner trust that I could work it out as I go, even though I still had the fearful thoughts. Living out our dream’s means being vulnerable. We are choosing to go forth anyway, even with the fear and the unknown.
8 clues to help us find clarity of purpose
Here is some mindsets I’ve found helpful to lean on to help me lead my life more from a place of love and connect to my purpose (Yep – I’ve found it’s all about our mindset).
1. What’s the worst that can happen?
Naturally when we consider taking a leap of faith we think about what could go wrong. I find it helpful to acknowledge the fearful thoughts – but do it consciously. But also accepting that its only one part of who we are. What is the worst case scenario? Play it out in your head. And then ask, is that still going to stoop me? Or do I have it in me to work around these obstacles and learn and grow? If we can choose to be a bit more curious than we are fearful, this allows us to still take action. We have a willingness to hold a place for both fear and curiosity for the adventure of the unknown.
2. Visualise what can go right
Leverage your strengths, notice what you do have. Are you a compassionate person? Are you skilled at something you don’t often get to use? What makes you unique, or a little weird? Could you get a part time job that’s not perfect but allows you to bring your strengths to the workplace in some way? Human beings are really good at noticing all the dramatic problems that could make our plan fall over. The only way to live out your dreams and pursue your life’s purpose is to train your mind to visualise what could go right, and notice the inner gifts you currently have that will help your plan come to fruition.
3. Be a little rebellious
By this I don’t mean go and break the law. I just mean make an effort to do a few things that would be ‘out of the norm’ for you. Hang out with people you usually wouldn’t. Carve out a day just for yourself to explore the outdoors and have a day of self-care to ‘reset’- even if it means the chaos will unfold around you. In our modern world, conforming to a ‘perfect’ ideal can eventually end up squeezing the life out of us. Breaking your own rules a little might just give you a new perspective, a fresh palate to redesign your life in an inspiring way.
4. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step
The difference between who you are and who you want to be, is what you do. Most of us stay stagnant because we over think our grand plans and then become paralysed by all of the ways it might go pear-shaped. You don’t have to feel fully confident to start with, by taking action step by step you will gain confidence in doing so. Start before you are ready, do your best, embrace your flaws. There is always something to learn with this approach. The one who falls and gets up is so much stronger than the one who never fell.
Be brave enough to be bad at something new
5. Try an experiment with your life
Don’t take yourself too seriously. When we approach big (or small) life changes, it can be really scary to make a start. If we say to ourselves “ I’m going to try an experiment with my life”, it feels a little less serious. As is everything is not going to fall over and end in doom and gloom if it all fails because its simply just trial, and won’t affect our identity. This approach helps us feel a little more light hearted about it all and we are able to embrace our imperfections, which allows moments of spontaneity and joy. When we take ourselves a little less seriously, we can have fun along the way, even in pursuit of our big and bold dreams.
6. Make uncertainty your friend
It great to think our life like an artist’s canvas. Obviously, we need a few necessities, some basic needs that need to be met. But carefully cultivating a life that allows room for adventure, for afternoons of following your intuitions desires allows us space to open up to the true wonders of life. When we fill up every hour in our day, and plan every weekend with social events, or the regular routine chores, we start to feel like we are on the treadmill of life. How can you embrace uncertainty or unplanned adventures?
There are many ways of living. Life’s most memorable moments don’t usually come from an overseas package holiday. It’s the moments where our plans are disrupted, or our life goes in a whole new direction. You encounter people and places, and experience unforeseen acts of kindness that you never knew would bring you so much fulfilment, you would never have experienced if you took that path most travelled.
Look outside the options presented to you, there are always lateral options
7. Take action when resistance is strong
Most people choose security and comfort over freedom and growth. We over think what could go wrong and this keeps us stagnant. In a moment where we have an opportunity to go to the gym, or sit around eating chocolate – we choose chocolate, because its comfortable. Chocolate tastes good in the moment, but it’s not an action out of love. Choosing love means doing what is uncomfortable, so that in the long run it benefits our body and mind so we are not a burden to society and can give back to others because we are healthy vibrant and strong. Taking action when resistance is strong AND when you really don’t feel like it, creates consistency. And this creates results.
8. Do whatever the hell it takes to make you feel real again
Everything falls into place when you’re authentic. Listen to your heart, carve out a few days, a week to yourself to be in nature. Or even just an afternoon walking the Port Hills. Just allow yourself to go quiet. Ask yourself what do I really want? As opposed to ‘What will make me get attention?’. If you don’t fit in, you are probably doing the right thing. Be who you are, not who the world wants you to be. The more wisdom you attain and the more conscious you become, the crazier you will appear to others.
You will never influence the world by trying to be like it
The many benefits of pursuing your purpose
Pursuing your purpose transforms your entire life
Choose meaningful struggle. Life is struggle, so you may as well, choose meaningful struggle. If you don’t pursue your dreams, you will have struggle. It’s a myth that there’s a struggle free happy go lucky life out there. The positive psychologists who research this stuff have found that that it’s better to seek meaning over happiness. We become more happy and content by seeking meaning first. Finding comfort and happiness directly doesn’t allow for struggle and the personal growth that comes with setting an audacious big goal and changing ourselves through it. Every path has struggle and disappointment in the end anyway, so we may as well choose meaningful struggle.
“Pursuing your purpose transforms your entire life. You select your purpose, you invest yourself in it, you change yourself and your life for it, you improve the world through it – Benjamin Hardy, Personality Isn’t Perfect.
You rebound more quickly from the tough stuff
The truth is, we cannot buffer ourselves form adversity in life. Challenges will happen. What really matters is how we recover from them. Research has shown that people who report great purpose in their life may recover better than others because this purpose could help them reframe stressful situations more productively. In other words, a clear sense of purpose will determine how quickly we rebound from something. We are more resilient when we have a purpose.
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”, Friedrich Nietzche, German Philosopher
We change the world by going inward
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. By doing what you love, you inspire and awaken the hearts of others. We must create what we most need to find in the world.
The universe does not give you what you want. Its gives you who you are - Michael Beckwith
Learn more at the upcoming 1-Day Urban Yoga Retreat at Heart and Mind Yoga studio
Jo Jarden is a certified personal trainer and yoga teacher in Christchurch New Zealand and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio. She has 10 years experience in health promotion in New Zealand and Australia including management and promotion of national chronic disease prevention programs. She now helps people one on one with their wellbeing through yoga teaching, personal training, workplace yoga and wellbeing workshops.
Qualifications include: Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005
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