The benefits of embracing your sensitive side

We all love to feel empathy from others for what we are going through. And we all have our sensitive side. Although for many this can get squashed by societal expectations and the way we live – anxious to be ‘good’ and to get ahead, or to just keep up!

Often, people who are more empathetic can be dismissed as just ‘sensitive souls’. Not to be taken seriously.

However, embracing our sensitive side can be a source of great strength, enhancing our intuition, creativity and ability to connect with others.

Yoga provides many practices to go deeper and fully understand our more subtle qualities and to use these as strengths. Also, there are many people who live their lives with greater sensitivity than most. Sometimes called empaths, these people and their experiences can remind us of the importance of valuing empathy and sensitivity in today’s often rather socially harsh world. 

My own experience has taught me the value of understanding my empathetic sensitivities and how to manage them. These days, they don’t so easily get crushed by the steamroller of our materialistic, insecure and power-hungry culture, and I can use them as a gift to help others.

Here’s 5 insights I’ve learned to help me navigate my empathic tendencies to be healthy for me and others around me. I hope some of these resonate with you too.

5 ways to embrace your sensitive side

1. Embrace your intuition

Many sensitive children do not feel seen by their parents, teachers, or family. Their sensitive gifts are treated more like a characteristic that is a flaw, or a deviant from the norm. Dr Judith Orloff, who wrote The Empath's Survival Guide explains that empaths have precious unique abilities, but growing up their empathic nature is seen as something wrong with them, or as a weakness that needs to be fixed. 

Growing up with the sense of not being “seen” can injure a person’s self-confidence, which can lead them to becoming a people-pleaser. We try to win love by getting into other’s good books. As a child, our parents (albiet trying their best) may not have supported or valued our intuitive side, so we grew up feeling like we had to squash this part of us (ie toughen up), rather than feel confident with our unique sensitive abilities.

My own healing path has been to find a good balance between my intuitive self and my linear/rational mind. 

2. Setting healthy firm boundaries

Sensitive types can over-give as they grow into adults. Dr Shefali Tsabary, in her book A Radical Awakening, calls these people ‘bleeding empaths.’ How we regard and treat ourselves sets the bar for every other relationship in our life. You may have been socialised to believe that having healthy boundaries makes you confrontational and selfish. But in fact, having healthy boundaries makes you brave and generous.

We have deeply embedded societal pressures about serving other people. Our culture tells us (especially women) that to be a good person we must give at the cost of our own health and happiness.

According to Terri Cole in her book ‘Boundary Boss’, “giving too much, to too many, for too long is co-dependency, not love”. It’s a continual state of being focused on the needs wants and problems of others in order to gain approval, feel worthy, and to control the outcomes. This false story stems from a child’s fear of failing to disappoint others. As an adult it shows up as an unconscious engrained behaviour of helping, fixing, doing, saving.

Unhealthy boundaries show up in our life through many over functioning behaviours such as:

  • Feeling overly responsible for everything

  • It has to be you that does it

  • You believe that saying no, or changing your mind, or that you can’t follow through, that something dire might happen

  • Situations feel urgent, like life and death, even when they’re not.

Yoga helps us become more conscious so that we can recognise when the little kid in us might be activated so we can release the old reaction, and choose a response from the grown up version of ourselves, that is our highest true self. If someone is depending on you for their happiness, that is their side of the fence. If you are depending on them for your happiness by over-giving, fixing, doing everything – this is your side of the fence.’

3. Practice self-soothing techniques and self-compassion

When we choose to take care of ourselves, we get tension. This is what it takes to live a purposeful life. Healthy boundaries will mean discomfort. And on the other side is freedom! If you truly want to do your best work in the world, you will need to look after yourself. No one said the path of the meaningful life was easy, but its worth it.

Many high functioning empaths have developed their abilities (inner strengths) to be kind to themselves whether they are flourishing or falling apart. You would hardly know they are highly sensitive because they have learnt to manage themselves so well.

Here’s some things I like to say to myself to help myself feel soothed and confident when making difficult decisions, setting boundaries, or simply feeling deeply:

“My own pleasure and happiness is inherently valuable.”

“You are not flawed in anyway for feeling like this. Most people would find this hard”

“ I am here for you, I am on your side.”

“It’s OK to make mistakes and change your mind. I know you can learn from this and do better next time”

4. Find that thing that pulls you into action

Many of us do not have a future that sufficiently inspires us. Empaths are especially sensitive to the harshness of the world and can experience low mood if their unique gifts are not embraced. Not having something to “look forward to” that pulls us into action can leave us feeling low, and glum. Pursuing a goal can sometimes feel like the last thing we want to do when we are in a slump. However, doing so can be what gets us out of a rut and back on track to living a fulfilling life.

Being sensitive doesn’t mean you need people to tippy-toe around you - it means you get focussed on finding your own path, and pursue that with intention and focus. We need challenge in our life, something meaningful to work towards. If you don’t have anything that keeps you growing, that you keep having to go towards, then you will be very vulnerable to falling into a slump. Peter Crone, explains that the key to a fulfilling life is “when you commit to something that is beyond the current version of yourself.”

5. Embrace your own unique magic

Take control back. Make boundaries, do what feels more like ‘you’ even if it causes chaos around you. Reclaim your agenda. Nothing burns more fiercely in our soul than the desire to be ourselves and pursue our dreams.

I believe that when we connect to our inner wisdom and intuition, we are able to turn our sensitive nature into our strength - and we find the clues to our life’s purpose.

Good questions to ask are:

  • Who do I want to be?

  • What are my unique sensitive and creative gifts?

  • And how can I give meaningfully to others?

The great joys of life come when we are spontaneous and authentic each day while engaging in activities that we care about.

When you show up authentic, as an empowered empath, you can bring your unique magic to the world…and you create space for others to do the same.

*This blog has been updated from an earlier version published July 2021.

Want to learn more about how to build strength through empathy?
Check out one of the upcoming wellness events with Jo, from Heart and Mind Yoga (beginners welcome!):

Jo Jarden is a personal trainer, yoga teacher, and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio 54 Holmwood Road, Merivale, Christchurch. She has 12 year's experience as personal trainer, yoga teacher, and workshop facilitator including working with:

  • Business executives

  • Gyms, group yoga & fitness classes

  • Farmers and rural settings

  • Workplace retreats, events, and conferences

Her approach combines both body and mind practices to help people boost their health and general feelings of positivity. She utilises the combination of ancient yoga wisdom and wellbeing science techniques to help people release tension and grow their inner strengths.

Qualifications include:

Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005

Jo JardenHeart and Mind Yoga