Our life is really quite short. So why do we give so many of our hours, days and weeks away to distraction, serving someone else’s purpose, and other people’s expectations?

And why do we seem to overvalue money and undervalue time?

And is life really short? Or is it how we choose to spend our time that makes it seem that way?

As I notice our fast paced, instant gratification world of modern ‘advances’, and dopamine imbalances leading us further down the path of physical and spiritual dehydration, I find myself leaning on the ancient readings of the Stoics to satisfy my thirst for deeper wisdom on the best ways to live a fulfilling life in the time that we have.

I mean, the process of evolution itself, was long, slow and gradual, and in contrast, modern advances are often quick, shallow, and enticing. I notice how easily we seem to be pulled into the momentum of spending the majority of our time living in a way that doesn’t align with natural rhythms of life and how evolution intended. Of course, there’s the practical part of life that needs tending too, bills to be paid, life admin etc etc…. but even when our basic needs are met, there’s still a lot of ‘room to move’ in terms of what we have control over in our life, and how we choose to spend our hours.

Here’s 4 reflections on the shortness of life, inspired by Lucius Seneca, and other leaders, and yogis. I thought you might appreciate these also.

4 Reflections on the Shortness of Life

1. Life is long enough

“It’s not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it.” - Seneca

Life is long enough, and its quite amazing what some people have accomplished in their life span, when they have used their time well. But most of us squander our time away. We strive for comfort over challenge, we please others instead of seek purpose, and we don’t put clear systems in place (habits) to make time for what truly matters. Going to work to serve someone else’s purpose for example, (especially if it comes with a nice salary), might seem like a ‘good life’, but is it really meaningful and fulfilling? Do you always feel like you’re waiting for the next holiday? Or do you often say to yourself, ‘I’ll do that thing, when I find time’.

It is not that we have a short space of time, it’s more that we waste much of it.

2. But doesn’t money bring us a good life?

The Stoics suggested its more helpful to talk about wealth than money. So what is real wealth?

As James Clear articulates, ‘real wealth is not about money. Real wealth is about freedom.’

Money can help you achieve a lot of things, but there are plenty of people out there who make lots of money, yet they are not free.

“Real wealth is:
-not having to go to meetings
-not having to spend time with jerks
-not being locked int status games
-not feeling like you have to say “yes”
-not worrying about others claiming your time and energy” – James Clear

If you really think about it, most of us are very careful with our money, but we freely squander away our time. For example, we don’t let people steal our stuff, but we seem happy enough for them to steal out time - those precious hours we give away in our days serving someone else’s vision.

3. Doing what others expect of you never ends well

We’ve all experienced the ‘leech’ who wants ‘just a few minutes of your time’. A leech in your life might be disguised as a friend or family member who wants to catch up but deep down you know just, they are draining. They seem to take, take, take from you. They want you to fit their idea of happiness, and to take your valuable time, even if it doesn’t fit your idea of happiness.

There is no reward for doing what other people expect of you. Robert Heinlein writes in The Notebooks of Lazarus Long;

“Time is your capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time – and squawk for more!”

Difficult it may be to make boundaries, but the reward is self-respect. Heinlein goes on to point out the importance of saying ‘no’….“So learn to say no – and to be rude about it when necessary.”

The Stoics also echo the importance of saying ‘no’ a lot. If we don’t, we find we are constantly pulled into other people’s priorities (I call this OPP!) and we never have time to do what truly matters to us. We squash our own light and creativity fades, and there’s certainly no time for love and happiness.

“The termites will nibble away at your life and leave none of it for you.”- Heinlein

This does not mean that we can’t do the odd favour for a friend, or even a stranger. The key point is to let the choice be yours. Don’t do things just because it is “expected” of you.

4. It’s not about how long, but how well you have lived

In the end, it’s not the years in our life that counts. It’s the life in our years. So the question arises, what is a life lived well for you?

The Dalai Lama one said, “He lives as if he’s never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

One question I’ve been asking attendees at my retreats over the years, is “Imagine you’re at the end of your life, and you ask yourself, what do I wished I had done, but didn’t do?” It seems to always inspire deep thinking about doing what really matters in our life, and whether we are aligning our daily actions with our true values.

In fact, research conducted on the topic with people in their palliative years found that at the end of their life, people regretted not what they have done, but what the things they hadn’t done. This speaks to another Stoic value - courage. Read my blog here on 5 ways to live with more courage.

“It’s not how long, but how well you have lived is the main thing” - Seneca

Jo Jarden is a health coach, yoga teacher, personal trainer and founder of Heart and Mind Yoga, 147 Papanui Road, Christchurch New Zealand. She helps people find mental peace, physical vitality, and to live with purpose.

The next event is this weekend! The 2hour Deep Restore Sunday 17th March 5.30pm $45 Learn more here

The Shortness of Life