We are all story tellers
We create stories about ourselves and the world around us to help find meaning, make sense of the world and make life decisions. This is how we experience life, something happens, and then we run it through our mental filter. That gives the experience our unique meaning, or our story.
I have always been a very heart centred person, very empathetic, and a deep thinker. As a child I noticed I was quite ‘difficult’ for my parents at times and labelled as ‘too sensitive.’ I made the conclusion that I was ‘weak and timid,’ and these deep feelings I was experiencing were somehow a flaw and I needed to toughen up in some way – this was my story.
You see, as humans we are meaning making creatures, and every single human being creates their own story. This is why many people can live through the same event but recall very different experiences of what happened and how they interpreted it. Once we understand this, we can start to get very conscious about the stories we are creating.
Often the stories are not helpful
Often the stories we tell come from unhelpful messages we get in childhood, or from the fear-based culture around us. Maybe your sister got more attention than you because she was better at asking for what she wanted, or was more confident in speaking up? As a result your parents gave her more attention, more of what she wanted and you decided you were not as valued or loved. Or perhaps you were rewarded for good grades at school or for people pleasing so you decided that to be loved you had to continue to do more, and achieve more, to simply feel loved and accepted.
The thing is, as young people we will do anything we have to be loved and accepted. Its our natural survival mechanism. Words bind us. We make meaning from the words our parents spoke. We made a story that we have to be different from who we are to be loved and accepted.
These stories don’t reflect who we really are
As we grow into adults these stories can result in behaviours which are unhealthy or even destructive. These stories therefore often do not help us because they don't reflect who we really are, but who other people have wanted us to be.
By the way, I say this with lots of compassion for my parents who were doing the best they could with the demands of a busy family life in a modern world. Remember our parents were also carrying stories from their own childhood. At the same time, it’s critical as an adult to take responsibility for our own life - to get conscious of our own stories, and deconstruct them to get more clarity. Taking responsibility leads to an empowered life. Blaming others for our circumstances leaves us stuck in that story with no room from learning and growth.
Yoga helps us to get more clarity on our true nature
What we can do is deeply explore who we really are and consider what makes us deeply unique and notice our gifts. Yoga helps us get out of our mind and into our body to find more inner peace. This is essentially what every human being is looking for – more ease, and inner peace.
Yoga allows us to get a better perspective of ourself. When we come into the present moment we are no longer stuck in our narrative in our head and we get more insight into our life. We can connect to a deeper sense of self that is free from the influences of the external world. Through yoga practices such as heart openers we can release the built up shield across our heart space releasing difficult emotions, so we can connect more meaningfully to ourselves and others. We are letting go of all the stories we have been accumulating. Letting go creates space. Creating space allows room for something better.
Look around you at the world
Often we spend too much time focusing on things that are wrong with our lives. We ignore whats going well. We can make a point to look more carefully at the world around us and see the abundance of love, beauty and possibility which is there.
We realise in fact, all the difficult experiences in our life have helped us grow. So they are neither good or bad experiences, simply what we have needed for our own growth. With this maturity we have more insight into our life and realise that the universe is in fact working for us. The more we look for this, the more we notice it.
The science explains this also – that taking in everyday ordinary experiences, and letting the good feelings really soak in leads us to experience more positive emotions. When we let go, take notice, and have a growth mindset, we start to realise that life is working for us, not against us.
We can then change our story
We can then change our story to something that will suit our true nature and is positive and inspiring. We notice that our story we have been carrying is not working for us, and we can upgrade to a story that’s more empowering.
When I was my 30’s I carved out time to self-reflect and be with myself. This is where I gained more insight into my own story. I started to ask questions of myself such as “What makes me weird and unique”, “Could sensitivity be a strength?”, “How can I use this to help me deeply connect with others?” “How can I learn to look after this strength”. Turns out this is a key strength of being a yoga teacher – to practice compassion, and to deeply to connect with myself and others. This process of personal enquiry lead be down the path of leveraging my strengths.
Also, the process of learning and growing as a yoga teacher, and through sharing the wisdom of yoga has empowered me to feel more confident, to take more risks, and to carve out a life more on my own terms.
Life will naturally give us people and events that trigger us – to show us where we need get insight, and change our story to something more empowering.
“We are the storyteller of our own life, not just a character in the story“
-Jaemin Frazer
If this resonates with you in some way or you’re curious to learn more check out the upcoming workshops and offerings at Heart and Mind Yoga 13/21 Bealey Ave Christchurch NZ:
Candlelight Deep Relaxation Mini Retreat Sunday 18th October 5pm
Beginners Yoga Course 5 week course to learn the foundations of yoga Thursday 19th November
Check out our weekly yoga timetable just $15 a class
Jo Jarden is a certified personal trainer and yoga teacher in Christchurch and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio. She has 10 years experience in health promotion in New Zealand and Australia including management and promotion of national chronic disease prevention programs. She now helps people one on one with their wellbeing through yoga teaching, personal training, workplace yoga and wellbeing workshops.
Qualifications include:
Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005