“Most people end up being conformists; they adapt to prison life. A few become reformers; they fight for better lighting, better ventilation. Hardly anyone becomes a rebel, a revolutionary, who breaks down the prison walls. You can only be a revolutionary when you see the prison walls in the first place.”

- Anthony de Mello

I think of how I spent the first part of my life conforming as a very good people pleaser. I was always the ‘nice girl’, seeking validation from others through giving, pleasing, perfecting and performing - but as a result, I never really knew myself that well. Not an uncommon path, especially for a sensitive soul - always trying to find ‘enoughness’ through other people. It’s a survival mechanism, in a world where we think we need others approval, but it can’t be sustained.

I also think of when I was 29, and the sudden death of my Mum simultaneously turned my world upside down, and as well, projected me on the most rewarding and inspiring path as a yoga teacher, wellness coach and writer. Today I live a very meaningful life, with purpose, where I want to share what I have learnt along the way. I attribute the growth in my inner strength over the last 12 years to having a willingness to look deeper, to shed the old layers, a ‘letting go’ of the ‘old Jo’. I’ve also come to notice how socially conditioned I was, how we all are in fact, and how this saps our potential.

I believe the most important thing is to realise we are raised as children into a kind of ‘socially conditioned prison’. However, the prison door is unlocked! As an adult if we have enough courage, we can push the door open and find our own path to freedom and creativity. We are scared to go into the unknown, after the illusory safety of our prison cell, but I guarantee for anyone who does this, they will find helpers along the way.

Our struggles are signs we want to grow and escape our confinement

One thing that keeps people in their prison, or cage, is that they think they have too many things they are struggling with, to even consider a life of more freedom. I believe however that our difficulties also help us. In my own case, being a sensitive soul, and my Mum dying - were defining and positive aspects of my life path. They made me dig deeper and see the limitations of our culture.

Our culture - especially with our ‘over counselling’ trends and online ‘experts’ - seem to encourage and even celebrate (!) labelling our struggles simply as failings, deficiencies or mental illness. This, to me, seems like a great disservice to the strength, grit, and pure potential of our human spirit.

I believe the path to living a healthy and happy life mentally, physically and spiritually is not to label your struggles as failings or deficiencies but rather to see them as signs you want to grow and escape the confines of the caged life. It’s the deepest part of you (your soul) asking you to live more in alignment to your truth, and your own values.

It’s no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society – Jiddu Krishnamurti.

So why do we stay in prison, when our cage is unlocked?

The cage is glittery and enticing when we haven’t seen beyond it. It’s made up of job titles, material belongings and the glowing approval of those around us. We get many trinkets behaving in a way that society tells us will bring success. But the cage is still a cage that holds us captive. We fall captive to these societal norms, the judgements and expectations of others.

And now here we are, all like sheep (except sheep seem more intelligent), copying comparing and competing with other. Making our prison cells a bit more comfortable without opening the unlocked door. Not to mention that we have the highest levels of anxiety and depression in history. We are busy buying the cellulite cream, chasing the ideal island holiday, building bigger homes with a 3rd or 4th bedroom we rarely use, and living a life amidst the ‘rat race.’ This relentless wheel of ‘never enough’ turns out to be not really that great, for anyone. And it’s exhausting - all because we have believed these false messages that we are ‘not enough as we are.’

Leaving our prison of the cage

The opportunity to break free of the cage means truly accepting yourself, where you’re at, what your life looks like, and becoming aware of what is triggering you. You will need an open mind, a creative mind, and you will need to be a little rebellious towards the constraints of society’s dysfunctional unhealthy ways.

10 questions to help you ‘break free’

Here’s some questions I asked myself that helped me see that I could break free. I thought you might appreciate them too:

1. Who made up all these rules about how we are supposed to live to be ‘good’ anyway?

2. Can I redefine success?

3. What are my unique gifts and strengths?

4. How can prioritise my health and wellness?

5. If no one knew of me, what would I do with my life?

6. What do I really want?

7. What kind of person do I genuinely want to be?

8. How can I give meaningfully to others through the gift of who I am?’

9. What am I willing to do?

10. What am I willing to let go of?

The cage free life is there for us all, if we are willing to see the prison walls, and have the courage to step out of the wide-open door…

“It’s not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it’s because we do not dare that they are difficult.” Seneca

Jo Jarden is a health coach, yoga teacher, personal trainer and founder of Heart and Mind Yoga Christchurch New Zealand. She helps people find mental peace, physical vitality, and to live with purpose.

Enquire with Jo about:

Private yoga , health coaching, & personal training at 54 Holmwood Road, Merivale
The 2hour Deep Restore, restorative yoga session held monthly, beginners welcome $45
Workplace yoga, at your workplace, or book a centrally located venue in Christchurch

Can you see the prison walls?