Getting to the core of why we over indulge
All of us are trying to find meaning, love and contentment in our life – its part of how we are wired as human beings
Trying to fill the void
When we are young, we want to feel heard, loved, accepted and to feel that we matter. As we grow up, we think we are not enough as we are and to be loved and accepted, we must do, achieve, become successful to be noticed.
However, no matter what we achieve, we still feel like something is missing.
So, we keep ourselves busy to avoid this feeling. We can’t sit still, we over work, we achieve and achieve. But the problem is, when we do accomplish things – the new vehicle, the new job, the perfect wedding, the best grades at school….we still don’t feel better. We NEVER seem to fill this void.
Trying to fill the void in our life can show up in the following ways:
· Overeating to self soothe
· Controlling food intake to look a certain way to feel loved and accepted
· Constantly scrolling through social media to feel a dopamine hit, or a sense of belonging
· Our mind ticking over our to-do list at night when we are trying to sleep
· Over-consuming through unnecessary shopping to feel happy
· People pleasing and over giving
These are all behavioural responses, to a deep sense within of ‘not feeling enough’ as we are.
The illusion of future happiness
We think there is somewhere to get to in the future. Life coach Peter Crone says most of us in our western culture are living according to a story that ‘when I get all of those things, then I’ll be happy and free.” However, this may all be an illusion, why?
1. Because you are NEVER actually in your future (only in the present), and
2. Even as you do accumulate some of those things you desire, your brain will automatically create the next thing to pursue. So it’s a perpetual hamster wheel chase.
So how do we escape this illusion? How do we satisfy the void?
More is not the answer to our problems. All of the ‘things’ we think will make us happy, will actually NEVER satisfy the place inside us that never feels full. They will actually increase our craving!
The things you desire, give no more satisfaction than drinking seawater. Therefore practice contentment – Geshe Kelsang Gyatso
Getting to the core of the issue. Making deep choices.
We can choose to notice the trap of these limiting beliefs of inadequacy. We can choose to shine the light of awareness on our stories that we are ‘not enough’, or that ‘we will be happy when’. Simply becoming aware of these stories and questioning whether they are helping us feel abundant, alive and well, helps shift our awareness. We escape the limitations of our mind. We become awake beyond these primal constraints and stories we created when we were young. We can practice yoga, connect to our breath and our body, and practice gratitude, to honour the present moment and find contentment, calm and clarity. This is where we find freedom. We can start to live our life through a different lens of abundance, opportunity and joy.
Your belief system can heal you, and it can make you very sick – Marisa Peer
We realise the extra layer of being human
When we are willing to be with life’s discomforts, instead of avoiding it through our unhealthy behaviours, we take a step toward true freedom and authenticity. Rather than self-soothing with food, alcohol or digital distractions, we pause, and ask ourselves, what could this discomfort possibly teach me? David Brooks in his book ‘The Second Mountain - The Quest for a Moral Life’ explains this as going into ‘The Valley’. He describes how being with yourself in the valley carves you open. We sit with our suffering. This suffering helps us see deeper into ourself, we shed the old self and a new self emerges. We move into a second phase of our life (the second mountain) and we realise there is a bigger grander life out there beyond our smaller sense of self and our fears. We ask the bigger questions about what we are really here on earth for.
In the end, we are all seeking these values– love, contentment and giving meaningfully to others. These are also reflected in the 8 Limbs of yoga – the ancient yoga values that give us wisdom into how to live a good life.
In this way, going inwards, and developing our life’s work by really caring for others, and connecting to our heart - helps us realise there is an extra layer to being human. We live life from our heart.
‘I am enough’ meditation
I am worthy
I am divine
I am lovable
I can give myself endless opportunities
I have more power than I give myself credit
I am enough as I am
I am a beautiful being
I am love (I don’t have to work so hard to be loved)
I am divine light, I will find a way
I have everything I need within me to work it out
I am not scared of the unknown
I am enough
Joy lives inside of me
Does this resonate with you? Learn more at our next:
One-Day Urban Yoga Retreat at Heart and Mind Yoga studio
Sunday 31st October 10am-4pm. Yoga, Yin relaxation, Wisdom Talks, Park walk, Meet like minded people
Or check out the other offerings at Heart and Mind Yoga - Workplace yoga, Beginners Yoga, One-on-one sessions to find mental clairty, inner peace and living with prupose.
Jo Jarden is a certified personal trainer and yoga teacher in Christchurch New Zealand and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio. She has 10 years experience in health promotion in New Zealand and Australia including management and promotion of national chronic disease prevention programs. She now helps people one on one with their wellbeing through yoga teaching, personal training, workplace yoga and wellbeing workshops.
Qualifications include: Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005