Too good to leave, too bad to stay
The comfortable life won’t get you what you want in 2025
Whether it’s your job, your relationship, your general situation in life, I think we can all relate to this situation - where we feel it’s the right thing to stay, but we don’t feel quite brave enough to leave.
Perhaps with all the hype of Christmas and promised happiness you found yourself making choices to stay around people with values that really don’t align with yours, just to do the right thing….but you came away feeling a bit underwhelmed? Maybe rolling with the ‘exciting’ plans for your New Years celebrations left you with a void of discontent?
Or perhaps you really want a more fulfilling job, but the one you have is quite comfortable - it pays the bills and gives you the security you want.
Looking at the year ahead you might be starting to think, “how can I make this year a good one, a meaningful one?”
In the end, “If you don’t make the time to work on creating the life you want, you’re eventually going to be forced to spend a lot of time dealing with a life you don’t want” Jaemin Frazer.
Here’s 4 ways I think a lot of people seek ‘a happy life’ but in the end, wind up feeling unfulfilled. I share some insights from cognitive behavioural therapy, the ancient yogic wisdom, and some of my spiritual guides who have helped me find healthier ways to seek meaning in my own life.
1. Meaning will not come from your job
It’s possible to live in a way that something gives you limited meaning for many years, then that ‘something’ suddenly turns out to be meaningless. What seemed once quite meaningful, now might seem like it’s not satisfying at all.
For example, you might have a career that you think that gives you meaning. You might work to create a better life for your family, or you might want to work to achieve recognition and status in your job.
The spiritual teacher Echart Tolle says that ‘at some point, a meaning that’s purely personal, will begin to lose its power, and you might arrive at a point in your life where your career doesn’t mean anything anymore.’ This is a good opportunity to look a little deeper at your life, and get curious about what you are really here on earth for.
2. Meaning will not come from ‘getting more and more’
Even among the affluent and supposedly ‘successful people’ we see the signs of unhappiness, addiction, relationship conflicts, obsession with social media, and the relentless drive for MORE. Even though by historical standards most of us already have more than we need.
More is not the answer to our feelings of unfulfillment. More will never satisfy that place within that never seems full. What seems to be underneath this unhappiness is a disconnection from a deep sense of purpose, place and perspective in our lives.
“Wealth is like sea-water; the more we drink, the thirstier we become; and the same is true of fame” - Arthur Schopenhauer
3. Meaning will not come from the latest ‘upgrades’ in technology
Despite all our affluence, and the tantalising, whizz-bang excitement of social media and technology, pathways to lasting meaning and purpose are more likely to be found in ancient wisdom - before our ‘leaders’ were driven demented by the need to be popular on social media.
Many people today, on social media, are creating a purpose about them being right and ‘those other idiots’ being wrong. There appears to be a growing trend of people making their purpose and meaning about annihilating - socially or physically - people they think are wrong. This is purpose and meaning gone mad.
A true sense of meaning and purpose should be approached with humility, an intent to serve others, and respecting the dignity of all living beings.
4. Meaning will not come from staying in your comfort zone
Perhaps your tendency is to avoid conflict, rather than step out of your comfort zone make boundaries. The people pleaser never gets what they want in life because they are always tending to other people’s priorities. Instead ask yourself, “ do I have the courage to be disliked?”
Perhaps your tendency is to play it safe, rather than take a risk. When we never step into the unknown, we never grow and evolve, and experience the true gifts and wonders of life.
No one awakens in their comfort zone. Just like a plant that grows in a protected environment, such as in a greenhouse, we will not evolve if we stay in our protected, safe, old conditioned ways. In the greenhouse, the plant has just the right temperature, so the plant grows tall very quickly. But it’s actually very weak because the moment it is put outside in the elements, it shrivels and dies. It hasn’t developed the strength it needs to exist in the real world.
The optimum way to become more awake to your true purpose, is to use the challenges you are facing in your daily life as your teacher.
“Often we fail to improve our lives simply because things don't get bad enough. If your new job is hell, you’ll leave it, but if it’s just unsatisfying, you’ll likely grind it out. Thus, small problems often threaten our quality of life more than big ones” - Gurwinder
We are all entitled to an inspired and purposeful life
If we don’t have a clear vision for our lives, we get caught up in other people’s priorities and the entanglements of the ‘everyday life’.
It is possible to create your own path - to have an experience of life that’s joyful and inspiring. It does take some work to create a life based on our own true values, and aspirations (more on this in my next blog!).
“When your core spiritual values are aligned with what you spend the majority of your time doing, it creates unity in your soul” – Leila Jana, social entrepreneur and founder of Samasource
The title of this blog “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay was inspired by, and credited to the book written by Mira Kirshenbaum, with this same title.
Learn more about getting clear on your VALUES, VISION at the upcoming Yoga Retreat Saturday 18th January 2025 (click the image below to learn more and to book)
Check out the other upcoming wellness events and services with Jo Jarden, Heart and Mind Yoga, Christchurch, New Zealand
A 4-day High Country Wellness Experience at Middlehurst Station, Awatere Valley, Marlborough 27 March 2025
Private yoga or health coaching session at 54 Holmwood Road
Workplace Yoga - schedule it in for 2025!
Jo Jarden is a personal trainer, yoga teacher, and the founder of Heart and Mind Yoga studio 54 Holmwood Road, Merivale, Christchurch. She has 12 year's experience as personal trainer, yoga teacher, and workshop facilitator including working with:
Business executives
Gyms, group yoga & fitness classes
Farmers and rural settings
Workplace retreats, events, and conferences
Her approach combines both body and mind practices to help people boost their health and general feelings of positivity. She utilises the combination of ancient yoga wisdom and wellbeing science techniques to help people release tension and grow their inner strengths.
Qualifications include:
Certified Yoga Teacher Santosha Yoga Institute, Registered Australian Yoga Alliance 2017
Certificate in Advanced Personal Training, Fit College New Zealand, 2016
Bachelor of Science with Honours Public Health. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2006
Bachelor of Arts Mass Communication and Psychology. University of Canterbury, New Zealand 2005